About a year ago, I tried to put together a blog concerning my thoughts on a number of geekish matters that I believed were interesting. It was a fun little romp, when I remembered to do it. Ultimately, it was unsatisfyin however. I had tried to start up a blog for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to get a feel for pop-culture, blogosphere style journalism…but I forgot that I don’t do well in the fake it part of “fake it till you make it”.
Not that my opinions were false or staged; everything I said I meant. The problem was, more then anything, I realized I wasn’t expressing my opinions for a truly good reason. I wanted something, and while I wasn’t lying to get it? I wasn’t pursuing my goal honestly. I wasn’t becoming something by saying something clever and interesting…I was trying to become something by figuring the cleverest and most interesting way to present something. I was attempting to sell myself in a completely backwards way. That little detail just made it impossible for me to do anything heartfelt.
So, this then.
It’s really a unique time for me. I feel poised to make progress on a lot of fronts. A brand new relationship, some new perspectives on who and what I am, a supportive community of Heathens, and some goals I really feel like I have the capacity to achieve. I can do something with my life. That may seem like a pretty simple thing to say…but it can be a remarkable paragim shift if you’ve never thought so before.
If, as in my case, you’ve opperated under the presumption that life is going to suck no matter what you do and the best you can do is get really good at coasting? It can be a bloody renaissance for the heart and soul.
And thus, here we are.
Buckle your seat-belts kids; I’m not sure if it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but safety never hurt anyone.