So the lady-pet is softly sleeping on the bed at the present moment. We had a pretty full day; we explored a mall, met up with some close friends for Hibachi, discussed unspeakable things over frozen yogurt with said friends, j0urnied home through fog, and finally watched a Terry Pratchett cartoon while she was a bit trussed up. We were going to possibly move on to a DVD of the old D&D cartoon, but she got sleepy. Also we made sure that our lives weren’t so awesome that we might have destroyed the world via a singularity of such splendid awesomeness (hereafter referred to as an awesomularity).
Faux hubris aside, I then decided to get some work in on a pet project of mine. I’ve been slowly working up table top RPG system and setting very loosely based on the Magic the Gathering card game. Close friends will know that me working on such projects is inevitable…just as is inevitable that I’ll drop the project within two to eight weeks. You see, normally I give up on the desire to create a campaign setting, game, artistic project, or whatever when I hit a snag that I can’t seem to untangle. Inevitably, a new idea has popped into my head by this point and I feel the pull to move on. Tonight, I had the feeling…but for a much different reason
This time, it has a lot more to do with the fact that I just don’t care.
I’ve gotten finicky with my fun these days. I don’t want to do paperwork upkeep for my fun. I don’t want to organize my fun. I don’t want to micromanage my fun. I just want to sit down, and start having fun right away. This may seem sort of childish and impatient, but it’s just how it is these days. I work a job that, while not tough, keeps me busy from start to finish. I am stepping from “mommy’s friend” to “parent” (or something similar) in a child’s life. I have a wonderful girlfriend/pet/slave person who needs attention too…and while I’m not complaining about those last two things? They take time…and time is a valuable resource these days. I just never seem to have enough of it to go around.
Don’t get me wrong here; I’m still a gamer, a nerd, a dork, and a geek. I’ve just have a list of priorities now. The time commitment to creating a game world just doesn’t yield a greater output of joy against any of the other things I could be doing. I could be writing a book, working on something for the Heathen/Pan-Pagan communities, developing an actual marketable game to try and get it published, playing with SH, having kinky sex with the lady-pet, working on something in the house, perfecting my pizza dough recipe, or any number of things that just make me feel better then wasting my time tinkering with a game system I’ll only ever use once or twice at most.
I still want to just sit with mindless fun every now and again, but I just don’t have the patience to be running around in circles to get to it. That’s why I’ve been loving the Wii, the PS3, and the 360 lately. No build up, lengthy paper work, or anything else that wastes my time. Turn on system, then have some fun. It’s also one of the reasons that MtG just doesn’t hold my attention the way it once did; too much maintenance for too little fun.
I feel like I’m coming on the beginning of a personal Renaissance. The time where I finally can take all this learning and experience I’ve been banging on about for years, put it somewhere useful, and then apply it in amazing ways. That’s a tremendous feeling, and when I feel it slip away cause I’m doing something that feels like a waste? I feel like I’m turning my back on it, and why the hell would I ever do that?
Feeling mentally healthy is kinda weird.