About two weeks ago, I put up that I was a bit on the busy side due to a number of circumstances and that I was going on a mini-hiatus. While everything I said was true, there was one thing I sort of kept to myself and it was probably the biggest factor of all.
I tried not to make a big deal of it on here, but one of the articles I wrote at the end of July absolutely exploded. It catalyzed an absolute windfall of attention to my blog, which left me stunned, humbled, and awed on a level that I am not able to properly articulate. I am somewhat quick to take a look at my traffic, because it’s a utter font for positive inspiration. Even when only a dozen people read my work on any given day, that’s a dozen more than most people will ever see in their lifetime. It’s a way to remind myself that I have a voice, and to make it heard I simply need to use it. Just by having the courage and willpower to state my opinions, I have been able to gain a reserve of internal strength that is priceless to me.
Writing on here, quite simply, has helped me become a better person in ways both physical and spiritual. The influx of posted articles that I produced in the days that followed was no accident; I really had discovered a passion that I didn’t know that I had possessed. I found myself being able to better articulate my own thoughts within my own head space. Between this and my developing family, I felt I was having hudge chunks of my person completed with every second. I felt better. Somehow warmer and more connected. It was a good feeling. I felt like I discovered some element of what I was meant to do, and I wanted to pursue it.
The thing was that blogging about your passion doesn’t really pay the bills. Right now, both my wife and I are out of work; me due to an injury and my wife due to the “nine month flu”*. We’ve been pulling what money we can via eBay and freelance writing, both of which took a bit of a backseat to my writing on here. My hiatus was, to be frankly, economic in purpose. I wanted to step back, try and write something that could be published. Anything. If I could even charge people a dollar to put it on a kindle or a nook? It meant that I had the capacity to make money perusing my passion, as opposed to gathering someone’s loose change in trade for writing pointless dross for the assholes of the SEO market.**
However, in trying to find a method to improve my chances in the long run? A lot of the structure of my day to day existence fell out, and I became pretty irritable pretty quickly. I felt like my sense of purpose was taking a back seat, and it sort of stunted my creativity. The book ideas I had were quickly stymied by research issues#, and the feeling that I was just doing all of this in the wrong order.
So, here is where I am right now. I’m coming back here, and I’m focusing on my writing. I’m going to keep working on any book ideas I come up with, and I’ll publish them wherever I can get them published. I’ll try other stuff to keep my projects here afloat. Huge, high concept projects via services like Kickstarter and RocketHub? Definiately. Trying to fund myself via a Patreon campaign, and see where that takes me? Absolutely. Most importantly, however, I’m going to keep on writing. No matter what else is going on.
I want Heathenry to be better that I’ve found it. I want Polytheism to be closer knit than it is right now. I want for religion to not be used like a dirty word and, while we’re at it, I’d like for there to no longer be very valid reasons to view theological concerns in that light. I’ll probably not see half of the things that I want to see, but I’m willing to try and get those points and frames of reference just a little bit closer for the next generation. Most of all, however, is I want my daughters to see that you can chase after your dreams and make a life worth living. That you can be happy and successful and that they can be the same thing if you want it badly enough. To teach them, through my deeds, that all that and more is possible.
All that starts here and now.
* AKA: Pregnancy. My wife will also have words with me if I don’t remind the world that pregnancy last ten months, not nine.
** I thought about doing an SEO blog, but before I could give it any real consideration I realized I was spontaneous dry heaving. All kidding aside, SEO blog writting sounds absolutely soulless. Even if I knew the html-o-mancy to put one up? It would be an asbolutely soul crushing affair.
***Part of my research involved looking at the formation of the AFA and the Troth. My intention was (and is) to write a “field guide” to modern Heathenry, something that covered the basics without being pandering or being overly technical. Something that would be just as useful for outsiders as a reference guide as it would be for newbies. Part of this was studying to write about our modern history, as I really think that such matters have a much greater impact on us than we pay attention to. Man, now I know why most writers don’t pay attention to it! What an absolute dogpile of name calling and back stabbing! How do you write that down in a way that doesn’t make it sound like a bunch of kids squabbling over the last cookies in the jar?