Life, Chaos, and Tumblr

A couple of quick things…

1. I haven’t gone anywhere.  I am not going to stop writing.  Life has just been too busy to write the material I want to write at the level of quality I want to write it at:  My responsibilities include a two year old toddler and an eight year old grade-school age child, and those are the sorts of entities that just need to be prioritized over a lot of other things.  My current job has me working in group home environment with those who have IDD spectrum disorders seven days in a row…and while that comes with seven days off in a row, that means there are a lot of adult responsibilities that get shifted into that one week and time is at a premium.

While I know that my work is absolutely coated in spelling and grammar errors, that’s not the metric by which I am measuring quality typically: I want my content to be on point.  When I wrote about my thoughts on Folkism and Metagenetics?  A lot of research went into that, because I wanted to make sure that before I got critical I knew exactly what I was talking about.  When I offered my own ethical code in response to my issues with the NNV, I made sure that this was material that said something I could be proud of.  When I post something here, it’s very rare that it’s something I haven’t put a lot of time, research, and consideration into.  Perhaps in some of my earlier material, when I had absolutely no audience to speak of and the stakes (such as they were) felt non-existent, I was willing to be a little more careless.

That’s not where I am now; a lot of people have read my work, and a lot of people will probably to continue to read my work.  While I do try and improve my content in terms of it’s spelling and quality of form, it’s the quality of material that I’m just not really willing to budge on.  That could mean there will be very little in terms of content written for quite some time, and I don’t like that at all…but I’d rather write a small amount of amazing material then a decent volume of mediocre nonsense.

2. There is just a lot of nonsense happening all the time, and it makes it hard to know where to start: There is a bit that Lewis Black does where he talked about how it’s tough doing comedy when there is so much going on.  While I wouldn’t call my work here comedy, I will say that I feel like it’s tough talking about the affairs of the day in any sort of informed, timely matter when there is so much going on.

When Heathens United Against Racism fractured and broke apart, it was a lot to think about.  When the Black Lives Matter groups started getting criticism from a lot of pockets in Heathenry, there was even more going on.  All the while, there was the legal case involving Mark Stinson and that was also a lot to consider*.  When that case finally resolved, there was even more to consider.  All the while, the heads of the AFA and the Troth have hardly been silent, and many of there statements could have crafted entire volumes of commentaries, reflections, and musings.  How about that Icelandic temple that had to close its doors to the public because there were some American Heathens who just were unwilling to let Icelandic Heathen be able to practice their own faith without showing them how to do it “right”?  That was a can of worms too…

…and there is just so much going on that keeping track of it all feels almost impossible.  There is just so much to say, and not nearly enough hours in the day to say it all.  Combined with my time crunch, it’s made it hard to even know where to begin.  This is also to the side of all of the stuff I just want to write because it comes to mind and I think it would make an interesting point of discussion.

3. I am on Tumblr, and you might want to follow me there: If you actually like some of what I have to say?  You may want to follow me on Tumblr.  I have the ask feature enabled, so anyone with some random questions for me can feel free to send them my way.  The content I post/repost on there is a lot more of the “whatever is on my mind” and “this is neat/funny” varieties, so know that the topics are less “Heathen” and more “Harrison, who also happens to be Heathen”.

Interested parties should just check for me over at Tumblr.  While I am committed to keeping my material full of quality and research here, Tumblr is more or less for my opinions, so you’ll probably see a little more from me there.

That’s it for now.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish some articles soon and have something for you all to read before long.  In the mean time, just know that I’m still around….life is just busy!
<HR>
*Some may feel it cheap to talk about Stinson’s issues as if they were matters of public concern; I disagree with this suggestion.  Stinson took time out of his life to write/compile his views on Heathen ethics, put them together in a well edited and proofed PDF, and then placed them on a digital platform (JBK’s website) where they could be easily and rapidly distributed.  So when he makes an ethical blunder that directly relates to some of the very few Heathen values that almost everyone agrees upon?  The community as a whole gets to comment just as much on Stinson as Stinson was able to comment on the community.

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Cerebral Junk Drawer

Okay, so between the new job and a bad throat cold, I haven’t written anything.  So let’s fix that and chat about some stuff.


The new job is going quite well, and is more rewarding that I could have previously guessed.  The joke that I have been telling people is that, in retail and food service, I would wait on hundreds of people and have no idea what their problem is.  Now I work with a half-dozen people who have detailed logs about everything that is wrong with them, and this is a much easier way to go about my day.

That’s the joke I say.  The joke that I often keep to myself is that this is entirely true, and it speaks volumes about what is wrong about a large portion of the public. The joke is that there is no joke, merely a bizarre reality reflected via a fun house mirror.

Asking for “back-up” from Loki, Sigyn, and Eir was probably a wiser idea then I could have ever realized beforehand.  Meditation on them has given me the perspective to solve unusual problems with quick thinking, to show compassion and loyalty to those who have been discarded by society, and reminded me to keep an eye on the well being of the persons who I am helping.  I feel very blessed to have even found this career path in the first placed, and even more blessed that this is how I am able to make a living.


I recently discovered a neo-nazi, white supremacist soap maker.  This struck me as a bit of a bizarre incongruity, but then I recalled that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian painter…so maybe hypocritical surrealism is a Nazi prerequisite.

In either case, it gave me quite a chuckle.

Listen, I can’t make anyone change their philosophies…but when you make vanity products out of tropical fruit your ancestors never even saw, much less used, all the while complaining about “Cultural Marxism”?  You look like an absolute idiot, filling the air with a cloying insincerity and xenophobia. Either that, or you look a hate filled bigot who doesn’t understand how biomes work.

In either case, you’re a tool.


Every now and again, I see someone had something to say about something I’ve written.  It always reaches me third hand, and it’s always off in some corner of the internet that I never go to.  Most recently, someone suggested that my views on racism indicated that I probably had a “pineapple up my ass”.

In case that person is worried, I’ve checked my ass for tropical fruit on multiple occasions since I’ve seen that statement.  Happily, all examinations have come back worry free.  In all seriousness, you don’t have to like what I say.  However, when make little ad hominem quips, you are telling me two things.

1. That you need to talk about my opinions away from where I can meaningful respond to them, or even have a reasonable chance of seeing them because you either are unable to handle either conflict or criticism

2. You have nothing to say that meaningfully impact my statement…otherwise you would have said something useful instead of speculating upon the contents of my anus.

People saying this stuff aren’t worth responding to for the most part; I could seek out these trolls and give them the old semantic one-two punch of logic and critical thinking…or I could have a snack.  Or take a nap.  Or play with my daughters.  Or check for rectal-pineapples again.  Any of these things are more important then trying to explain to some keyboard warrior why they’re completely full of it.

However…if one of those detractors is reading?  I do have one thing to say…..thanks for the views, and come again.  You are one of 16,916 reasons (and counting!) that I write what I do, because without my readership I’d be just someone talking in some forgotten corner of a reddit forum with delusions of relevance.  Thank you for all of your support and encouragement.*


Heathens United Against Racism has taught me a few interesting things about what people.  One such lesson is that some people just want to have a little sticker on their shirt that says “not-racist!”. They don’t want to havve to do or say anything about racism in the process, which I find kind of weird.

Like us or hate us, we’re not being subtle about our purposes.  We are a largely Heathen group, and we try to act in a united fashion.  Accordingly, we are united against the various form of bigotry that exist within our religion and our culture, with racism being a particular point of concern.  It’s not like we named ourselves the Tallahassee Stamp Collecting and Juice Making Association; our name is pretty on point. 

Yet, on an at least weekly basis, someone posts something along the lines of “Well, I’m not a racist…but what are we spending all this time talking about racism?”.

I get that the word “against” has many different facets, but you’d think “talk about and present a stance against” would fit in most people’s day to day understanding of the word.

I know that I probably have some naysayers chuckling at this, but you can’t tell me you wouldn’t find it bizarre in any other context.  Imagine someone walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken and acted confused that they couldn’t buy orders of string cheese, rice pilaf, and/or sushi.  Oh, they have no PROBLEM with fried chicken of course…but they don’t understand why everyone seems so fixated on it.

It’s hilarious when it’s not absolutely maddening.


On a somewhat related note, I do understand there is a difference between what I have termed Metafolkism and White Supremacy.  If you’ll forgive the subtle pun however, both groups make me equally leary because most of their rhetorical water ends up being drawn from the same well.

When you try to say you are not a hate group, but so much of your material was written by hate groups?  You can’t really get confused when people respond with a lack of good faith.


On the to do list it to write an article about Sumble and having non-Heathens present at the event.

I’ve heard some people make the compairison between Sumble and Communion,  and explain that’s why they think one cannot attend a sumble in a meaningul manner unless one is Heathen themselves, but I think that is missing the point pretty hard.

There is no need for absolution in Heathenry, and our sacredness is not defined by any stance that even feigns recognition of concepts akin to original sin.  Communion is incompareable with Sumble because the rituals embrace radically different conceits.

It’s a more complicated topic then I can go into at the moment, and I need to do some research on Communion, but I’m looking forward to writing it.


The holidays are largely over, I have a decent phone with good internet service, I have a bluetooth keyboard, and life is calming down. Hopefully, this will make it easier for me to write on a regular basis again. Time will tell.


*Sometimes, all you have is your smile and your middle finger

Change of Pace (also Time Travelers)

I don’t talk about my personal life on here for a lot for a number of reasons, but the foremost is that it isn’t why most of my reader’s are coming here.  I’m sure you are all glad that I’m happily married to my wonderful wife, that I have a wonderful seven-year old/2nd grade girl, a wonderful one-year old bouncing baby girl, and a wonderfully supportive family…but that awesome family wasn’t what I started writing about.  They definitely inspire me to follow me dreams and pursue my passions (of which writing is one), but…that’s just not the focus du jour here.  I got my readership from talking about Heathenry, spirituality, philosophy, ethics, and devotional practice.  As such, that’s what I try to focus on.

Awesome is hard to depict, but I think this historic marker for a time traveler comes close.

Awesome is hard to depict, but I think this historic marker for a time traveler comes close.

That being said, my life is about to become more busy, complex, and awesome…and I want to share that awesomeness.  It also effects that devotional meme I’ve been working on, so we’re sort of on topic here any how.

Wife* and I have had to live with my parents for about the last year.  That bouncing baby girl was a blessing of the unexpected variety, which had thrown a wrench into our long term plans; Wife ended up having to take a leave of absence from college due to the difficulty of the pregnancy, as Peanut was apparently a Thai Kick Boxer in a previous life.  Three or four months later, I had a knee injury that complicated our plans even more.  A worker’s compensation claim resulted, leaving us both out of job when that wasn’t what either of us wanted.  My parents had a Mother-Daughter house, so we moved the three and a half of us in that empty space.  It’s been cramped, but it’s been necessary.  My family has a tradition of looking out after each other, and it’s a tradition that my parents and extended family have followed above and beyond the call of duty.  In either case, Peanut was born, Wife started recovering, Munchkin started getting into the routines of her new school district, and we started rebuilding a long-term plan.

That plan was that Wife would work and I would stay home with the kids; her work record and schooling were both superior to mine, so she looked like she’d be the one likely to command the best wage.  While I am intelligent and articulate and generally awesome, my resume revealed a work history in the bowels of retail and food.  Those pay wages would cover the cost of gas, child care, and absolute nothing else, so that clearly wasn’t a step in the right direction.  So, instead, we were going to get her into a groove at her job, get me some night classes for things I already knew how to do so I could prove to potential employers that I knew how to do them, and that I’d get a decent job of my own.  We figured we’d be out on our own in a three to five years.  Not the most desired time frame, but one we could work with.

Well, than that plan imploded in the best way possible.  A friend of the family was trying to sell a house within walking distance of my parent’s house.  We had helped her flip the property and set it up, so we had gotten to know her and she had gotten to know us.  When she heard my wife had secured a job, she offered to work with us so that Wife and me could purchase it.  Very suddenly we had a house on the horizon, one we knew the complete history of, one being sold under fair market price, and was within walking distance of my children’s grandparents and every building within the school district.  Said children’s grandparents are willing to co-sign the mortgage so that we can get better rates, I’m a first time home buyer which means tax credits and better rates, and none of this requires us to change school districts again.  So all I need is a job…any job…and two paychecks later we’ll be able to close a mortgage.  Wife and I are, suddenly, time traveling two to four years in the future.  Without a time machine.

Though if you'd like to buy us a Tardis for a housewarming gift, we'd certainly would have a problem with that...

Though if you’d like to buy us a Tardis for a housewarming gift, we’d certainly wouldn’t have a problem with that…

That’s pretty much a grand slam right there**.

Needless to say, that means a job search has become priority one.  It’s also, quite possibly, priorities two through seven as well. Making sure the kids are being taken care of, looking for things to E-Bay to help subsidize the down payment, taking more freelance work so we can subsidize the down payment, looking for working appliances of various sorts, and a dozen other things are high on the list as well.  As a result, a lot of personal work has to slide to the back-burner***…and right now the devotional meme has got to be one of those things.  I’m boosting my devotional work in my day to day life and, for now, that will have to be enough.

That’s not to say the project is cancelled; it’s being postponed.  As soon as my schedule normalizes a bit, I’ll be announcing a start date.  It’ll probably go from daily to weekly however, as I’ll have a work schedule to contend with at that point as well.  In either case, for those wondering why all the radio silence?  That’s the reason.  It’s an awesome reason mind you, but it is still a very involved and time consuming reason.

In the mean time, I’ll be writing whatever I can whenever my schedule offers me the opportunity.  I have been pecking at some material here and there; I’ve just been too busy to polish it to the point where I’m happy enough with it to put it up for the world to see.

In either case, anyone wishing to send us good wishes/prayers/energy or what have you is more than welcome and invited to do so.  I’d also like to take a moment to thank the Gods, Goddess, my ancestors, and whatever wights have helped us here or will be helping us.  My thanks especially to Loki, who has help me keep my oars in the water, no matter how chaotic and turbulent that water.

I’d like to also thank any of my close, personal friends who don’t avoid me in the coming weeks in spite of the fact that I am very likely to ask for their help in moving. 😉


*I never use the names of my Wife and/or kids on here.  Aside of maintaining a veil of privacy for my family…well, there are a number of people in the Heathen and Pagan communities who have shown that they have some pretty fundamentalist perspective and poor impulse control.  The more insulation between them and my family, the better.  On here I call the baby “Peanut” and the seven year old “Munchkin”.  I call my wife, “Wife”.  Presume her to be amazing, awesome, and wise beyond her years.  Also, sexy.

**The reader may choose whether to view this as a Grand Slam in the sense of Baseball or in the sense of Denny’s breakfast menu.  Whichever one you like better.

***It was also my intention to take part in NaNoWriMo, which also looks highly unlikely due to the same circumstances.

Eat. Pray. Nerd.

In

In any other circumstance, this would be tabloid pic made to slander a celebrity.  Now, through the magic of the movies, it’s a publicity photo to promote a celebrity’s movie.  Hollywood, I am disappoint.

So, I’m changing up a few things. Both in the writing I’m publishing, and in the material I’m attaching to my Patreon campaign.

My religious view are no longer the only topic I’m talking about. This isn’t out of lack on interest in the subject or due to a lack of material. The simple truth is that it’s extremely taxing to write a steady stream of critique pieces, no matter how well intentioned or well mannered you might make them. It has become draining to exclusively talk about the things I take issue with, especially when the subject have such a strong resonance with my own heart and soul. It’s important work, no doubt. I take it very seriously, and I’ve tried my damnedest to focus on topics of meaning and merit. I tried to put a pinch of humorous sugar on everything to make the mess easier to take, both for myself and for my reader.  It works, to a point. At the end of the day, however, I still end up feel empty and drained. I have praise and attention for some of the things I’ve said about Loki, but the process of having to deconstruct all the bile? Words fail me when it comes to expressing what that takes out of me.

You have to unweave and decrypt the source of another person’s hate, and figure a way to explain why the chaos they’re causing in actuality is worse than the potential chaos that they condemn. Even when you succeed at such a thing, the effort along can be monstrously draining. When you see your words ignored, it can be maddening. I have been, for weeks, trying to write a peace about my thoughts on Heathenry and racism. I have failed, so far, simply because I haven’t been able to get to a three digit word count without going into a frothing rage. My heart is in every word I write, and when those words are negative due to the subject at hand? It hurts a little bit. This isn’t the sort of Heathenry I want to see. I don’t think it’s the sort of Heathenry anyone wants to see. I need to stretch my arms a little bit, and expand my writing. To try to work with other subjects and other formats so I can be more clear headed and mentally balanced when I go to write about the things that matter the most to me.

Than there is something else. A more insidious issue that I’ve bought into, and I feel like I need to reject it with extreme prejudice.

Part of the reason I have been leery about talking about other subjects, in particular those that pertain to pop culture, geekery, and nerdity, is because I’m well aware that there is an unspoken bias that surrounds Pagan faiths and such material. That people who engage in both Pagan spirituality and pop culture must be getting their wires crossed, and are attempting to incorporate their hobbies with their religion.  That the Pagan religions are nothing more than pop culture fad in of themselves, and that partaking of both confirms the pointlessness of them both. In an effort to distance myself from that perception, I tried to put some distance between me and some of the little joys within my life. I accepted the bias, and confirmed it with my actions. Yeesh. I kind of want to throw up now.

Let’s clear something up.

Viking Trooper

Okay, so I’m not going to confuse me religion with Star Wars…but that doesn’t mean this thing isn’t anything but pure, 100% bad ass! (Designed by Tory Belleci, of Mythbusters)

I am a geek. I am a Norse Polytheist. I play Magic the Gathering. I believe in magic* as an element of spirituality. I play video games. I pray to an entire pantheon of Gods, whom I believe in. Both of these realms are a part of me, but they did not build off of each other.  They also don’t inherently define me. I didn’t come to investigate Paganism by way of Dungeons and Dragons, Grand Theft Auto, or any of the other imagined contributors to moral decay that Fox get to blame whenever it’s a slow news week**; I investigated the Pagan religious spectrum due to my own intellectual curiosity, philosophical musings, and a dissatisfaction with what I had been shown religion to be. I got into gaming and pop-culture because I was five years old when the Nintendo Entertainment System was the toy you wanted, my Uncle had been into D&D since before I was born and he gave me my first Player’s Handbook for my birthday, and my friends in Middle School were into comic books and they got me into them too. That’s the long and short of it.

The end result is that I’m going to write over at GE3KL1F3 a bit more often. I’ll still be writing here. I’ll still be writing over at Witches and Pagans. I might have some new blogging topics open up, and I’m trying to get a hold of the equipment and software needed to do lets plays. I’m still working towards a YouTube channel***, and I’ve still got some other projects held up in the wings. All of these things are going under my Patreon campaign, because I’m not selling myself short because some people can’t get the difference between a religion and a hobby.

In short, part of my goal is to represent the balanced majority that no one seems to focus on. I am a parent, a husband, a Heathen, and a geek.  I’m leaning liberal, but I’m pro-gun.  The vast majority of Pagans I know do not exist as the tofu munching, Prius driving, every opinion you have is okay as long as I agree with it stereotype that so many seem to go to as an automatic.  There are layers.  Here are some of mine.

Let’s get this show back on the road.


* I believe that what most people call magic is an inherent element of spirituality, and that it can manifest itself in an infinite number of ways.  I wouldn’t call that Monism, so much as I’m not sure how other people’s filters are distorting or changing what they are experiencing.  I’m not worried about their lens; I’m worried about mine.

g

Take that Christmas!  Because there is a war, I guess!

** I’m well aware that there are liberal media outlets that don’t fact check their work any better than Fox does. I’m pro-choice, pro-equality, a Non-Christian gamer geek, and I willfully say Happy Holidays; which group do you think goes out of its way to pee on my cornflakes the most? I don’t enjoy the liberal abuses of the truth any more than I enjoy the conservative ones, but the conservative ones are the ones that feel a bit more personalized in their message.

*** Right now, it’s an issue of formatting software and file extensions.


As the above post indicates, my Patreon campaign will be experiencing some changes.  The description has already been tweaked, and will be getting some more adjustments.  Have any questions?  Feel free to contact me at “HarrisonKHall”, via Gmail.  I’d put that address together for you, but I don’t want to feed the spam bots.

Of Forests and Trees, Of Computers and Altars

Forest

By the by, “Forest for the Trees” has the potential to be the name of the most Hipstery band that has every been conceived.

Recently, I’ve realized a lot of my own personal theological work had gone by the wayside. I had spent, and continue to spend, a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how to talk about my religion. Sometimes I get so busy talking about my faith, that I forget how to actually practice it. I suspect I’m not alone in this, as either a writer or someone interested in the devotional aspects of their faith, as missing the forest for the trees is about as central to the human experience as breathing.

This is not some disclaimer that precedes how I’m going to write less, so that I can focus on my praxis. Even with a squirming, squeaking baby daughter and a jumping, tumbling six year old. Even while me and my wife try and figure out where we’re going to go and what we’re going to do. Even in the process of worrying about bills, politics, wages, health care, jobs, food and shelter. Through all that, there is time to write and do devotional work. Life waits for neither of these things, just as it refuses to wait for anything.

Occasionally, I like talking about my experience as a writer. This is one of those times. While there are others out there who do better work and command higher salaries for their capacity to put words down on the page, such experience and skill does not render them immune from the scourges of burnout. It becomes painfully easy to forget yourself, and focus on something so much that you miss the reason that you started giving a damn in the first place. I did this very recently; in my concern for where my/our faith is going, I forget about my own place within that greater whole. Not as someone trying to be clergy, or “big name Pagan*”, or an author, but as someone who simply does devotional work towards the Gods he venerates.

Passion is a good thing. If you write about anything you are passionate about, this is also a good thing. Passion towards your faith and beliefs are also good things. There is, in my mind, legitimacy to the idea of having too much of a good thing. You can immerse yourself so much within the psychology and philosophy of consideration, that you loose your frame of reference. You push yourself deeper and deeper into you own ponderings, and the effort leaves you surprisingly drained.

It’s one of the worst sorts of drained, too. It’s the kind of weariness that leaves you hard pressed to see anything beyond some very narrow and limited perspectives. It leads you to a place where you wind up resenting your writing for being so tangled, and I found myself being irritated at action because you need to waste time on something that isn’t writing.

I was surprised at what had taken my attention when I took a second to stop and look around. I had stopped writing devotionals.  This was  not because they weren’t worth doing, but because I felt like they didn’t challenge me enough. If I didn’t challenge myself, I feared that the quality of my work would suffer. I ended up talking less about the Gods and Goddess themselves, because the deities I most often talk about are controversial. I have no care for the controversy, but I also don’t want to abuse it for attention and gain. This is a problem I’ve fought with before, and it still finds inventive new ways to rear it’s ugly head.

The long and short of this is that, I caught myself before things got particularly damaging. Every now and again, in addition to my writing based on my religion, I also write about my experiences in trying to become a writer**. About my observations, pitfalls, and my advice to anyone else who is trying to do something similar to me. I am in the position where I can not only do that, but also talk about my faith as I do so. To anyone trying to do something unusual with their writing, anyone working to deepen their connection to their perception of the divine, and especially anyone trying to do both at the same time? I have some advice.

Never forget to do. Never forget action. Whether you’re writing about religion, travel guides, high fantasy, or economist porn***, make sure you do just as much as you write. Whether you’re going through a clergy program, learning how to meditate, or just trying to figure your own method of prayer. Tear yourself away once in a while and grab some experiences. For yourself, for the sake of your own sanity, and so you can keep seeing the differences and similarities between forests and trees. Write something self-indulgent. If you are already writing self-indulgent work, write something else self-indulgent when the first project starts going long. Pray while standing on your head. Give an offering, from the depth of your heart, in the most unusual method you can think of.

A writer reads with their eyes, and send their message with their hands. Where the work is created is in the mind. A spirtiualist’s core in the heart of their soul. Too much stagnation, and they both wither. When you realize you’re tired when you sit at your desk or pray your altar? Do something. Anything.

Time won’t wait for you to get everything right.


I have a Patreon account, which you should look at.  Most of my work is geared towards my religion


* If I become a big name Pagan, I hope that the name is Detective Gothi Victormathewitzachan Von DeLermasteinenbergermann, esquire.

**By which I mean, my efforts to become a writer who makes the majority of his earning via writing.  Just like being an artist, you become a writer when you say to yourself that being a writer is something you WILL become.

***”Oh, I don’t know what to with all of these stocks!” “With assets like you have, they really ought to be introduced to my portfolio” *bow-chick-a-wow-wow!*

On a personal note…

I’d like to introduce you all to someone I just met.

Baby Evie Rose - At Birth This is my daughter, mere minutes after her birth.

This is the internet, so name and date of birth are just going to be left out of the discussion here.  Heck, I don’t even use my real name so I’m certainly not using my infant daughter’s!  All the same, this is something that I felt needed to be shared.

I could talk about how when I pray to Loki, she is one of the things I thank him for, and that is one of the reasons I’m so quick to defend his worship.  I could talk to you about how her birth was hilarious in retrospect but mildly terrifying at the time.  I could crack jokes, or come up with anecdotes about what the last eight months have been like as we’ve waited for her.

None of that does justice to what I feel in my heart.

She was born just under two weeks premature, so she has been in the NICU.  Due to this and a throat cold that had some pretty horrid timing, I haven’t spent more than two hours with her yet.  It’s frustrating, but I’m dealing.  I’m waiting.  I’m eager.

Words fail me.  Hail the Gods that helped me find my beautiful, wonderful family!  Hail my ancestors, that they might see their legacy continued!  I am as proud as a new father can be.

Softboot

crazy-old-man-in-a-viking-helmet-thumb5318655

I haven’t had much time to do Heathen memes…so here is a picture of an old man with a helmet and a spoon.

About two weeks ago, I put up that I was a bit on the busy side due to a number of circumstances and that I was going on a mini-hiatus.  While everything I said was true, there was one thing I sort of kept to myself and it was probably the biggest factor of all.

I tried not to make a big deal of it on here, but one of the articles I wrote at the end of July absolutely exploded.  It catalyzed an absolute windfall of attention to my blog, which left me stunned, humbled, and awed on a level that I am not able to properly articulate.  I am somewhat quick to take a look at my traffic, because it’s a utter font for positive inspiration.  Even when only a dozen people read my work on any given day, that’s a dozen more than most people will ever see in their lifetime.  It’s a way to remind myself that I have a voice, and to make it heard I simply need to use it.  Just by having the courage and willpower to state my opinions, I have been able to gain a reserve of internal strength that is priceless to me.

Writing on here, quite simply, has helped me become a better person in ways both physical and spiritual.  The influx of posted articles that I produced in the days that followed was no accident; I really had discovered a passion that I didn’t know that I had possessed.  I found myself being able to better articulate my own thoughts within my own head space.   Between this and my developing family, I felt I was having hudge chunks of my person completed with every second.  I felt better.   Somehow warmer and more connected.  It was a good feeling.  I felt like I discovered some element of what I was meant to do, and I wanted to pursue it.

The idea that anyone cared in the first place took some getting used to...

The thing was that blogging about your passion doesn’t really pay the bills.  Right now, both my wife and I are out of work; me due to an injury and my wife due to the “nine month flu”*.  We’ve been pulling what money we can via eBay and freelance writing, both of which took a bit of a backseat to my writing on here.  My hiatus was, to be frankly, economic in purpose.  I wanted to step back, try and write something that could be published.  Anything.  If I could even charge people a dollar to put it on a kindle or a nook?  It meant that I had the capacity to make money perusing my passion, as opposed to gathering someone’s loose change in  trade for writing pointless dross for the assholes of the SEO market.**

However, in trying to find a method to improve my chances in the long run?  A lot of the structure of my day to day existence fell out, and I became pretty irritable pretty quickly.  I felt like my sense of purpose was taking a back seat, and it sort of stunted my creativity.  The book ideas I had were quickly stymied by research issues#, and the feeling that I was just doing all of this in the wrong order.

NordicTempleRuins-1024x709

Also, I want Heathens to know this comes from Skyrim….not Scandinavia.

So, here is where I am right now.  I’m coming back here, and I’m focusing on my writing.  I’m going to keep working on any book ideas I come up with, and I’ll publish them wherever I can get them published.  I’ll try other stuff to keep my projects here afloat.  Huge, high concept projects via services like Kickstarter and RocketHub?  Definiately.  Trying to fund myself via a Patreon campaign, and see where that takes me?  Absolutely.  Most importantly, however, I’m going to keep on writing.  No matter what else is going on.

I want Heathenry to be better that I’ve found it.  I want Polytheism to be closer knit than it is right now.  I want for religion to not be used like a dirty word and, while we’re at it, I’d like for there to no longer be very valid reasons to view theological concerns in that light.  I’ll probably not see half of the things that I want to see, but I’m willing to try and get those points and frames of reference just a little bit closer for the next generation.  Most of all, however, is I want my daughters to see that you can chase after your dreams and make a life worth living.  That you can be happy and successful and that they can be the same thing if you want it badly enough.  To teach them, through my deeds, that all that and more is possible.

All that starts here and now.


* AKA: Pregnancy.  My wife will also have words with me if I don’t remind the world that pregnancy last ten months, not nine.
** I thought about doing an SEO blog, but before I could give it any real consideration I realized I was spontaneous dry heaving.  All kidding aside, SEO blog writting sounds absolutely soulless.  Even if I knew the html-o-mancy to put one up?  It would be an asbolutely soul crushing affair.
***Part of my research involved looking at the formation of the AFA and the Troth.  My intention was (and is) to write a “field guide” to modern Heathenry, something that covered the basics without being pandering or being overly technical.  Something that would be just as useful for outsiders as a reference guide as it would be for newbies.  Part of this was studying to write about our modern history, as I really think that such matters have a much greater impact on us than we pay attention to.  Man, now I know why most writers don’t pay attention to it!  What an absolute dogpile of name calling and back stabbing!  How do you write that down in a way that doesn’t make it sound like a bunch of kids squabbling over the last cookies in the jar?